I don't really know how to start this blog or why I am actually writing it....just some thoughts are running through my head. Josh and I have really been praying for a second baby and possibly (actually most likely) a second chance at adoption. I have a heavy heart right now because Major's birthmother is likely in the hospital giving birth to her daughter right now. With that comes many many emotions for me.
Let me go back a few years and clear my brain:
Josh and I got married in May of 2004. The following year we started "trying" to have a baby. Over the course of that year, I found out that I had some fertility issues. I graduated college in December 2005 and in January 2006 we started treatments that continued until June 2007. In June I finally had a breakdown/lightbulb moment and we decided adoption was our best option. Once we finally made the decision to adopt, it was like we stopped fighting the current and things became easy, clear actually, like this is what we were supposed to do at that very moment. Josh had been researching adoption agencies for months without me knowing, which turned out to be a great thing because at that point I did not have the emotional stamina to do that. When you choose adoption, you immediately feel like a goldfish in this big giant ocean. Lucky for us though we found an amazing agency and an amazing social worker that held our hands and walked us through the next few months.
In July 2007 we submitted our initial paperwork, dear birthmother letter and started the waiting game. With adoption, especially in cases like ours where we wanted to adopt a caucasian newborn, we were expecting to wait.......a long time......like years.....but we thought at least there is a light at the end of the tunnel, there is a guarantee. It may come in a year, or 5 but we knew at some poing we'd be parents. We were expecting to hear from our agency once a month about updates. On our first month's update, our social worker called and said that a birthmother in California had chosen us to be the parents of her baby! At that point we were floored, we had been clients just 5 weeks. We were matched on August 27, 2007 and flew to meet her in September. We came home, prepared a nursery and waited about a month before flying back to California for his birth. We were in California for 16 total days, most of which was before Major was born. We got to visit with his birthfamily, bond with them and see California. We were blessed.....
Then 3 days after his due date Major made is arrival. Josh and I were so grateful to be in the delivery room when he was born. Josh helped the doctor deliver Major and we cut his cord. The nurses immediately handed him to me. WOW. Talk about a life changing moment. That night, we went to another wing of the hospital with our newborn son. The very next morning we were discharged from the hospital and 3 days later flew from California to Tennesssee with our 4 day old baby. Life as we knew it was....better, greater, more meaningful that either of us could have prayed for. We looked at this new baby that God had chosen for us and gave thanks. There is no other way to describe our situation than it was God's will. Through our trials and struggles, I always felt like what we were doing was the wrong thing. Through it all, I kept praying for God's will. If that meant we were to be pregnant, then give me the strength to keep trying, if it meant adoption, then lead me. If it meant that Josh and I weren't to be parents, then take that desire from me. Whatever his Will I was ready to follow. Once I finally believed that, finally let it go, our path was laid for us and our precious baby boy was waiting for us.
I guess I am thinking of all this because I know that our birthmother is having a new baby right now. She is just 16 and selfishly I know that Josh and I could provide for her as we have for Major. Giving her a family, foundation, love and support. But if I've learned anything in the last 5 years, it is that it's not about me, or being selfish. I was blessed to have a conversation with her this week and she told me that when she was pregnant with Major, she always felt he wasn't hers. She had him for us. She said she never grew attached to him like you normally would, but she felt like with this baby, this pregnancy, God was giving her a second chance. She is excited and of course Josh and I are happy for her. There will always be those feelings of, I wish. I look at Major and am overwhelmed at how perfect he is and how God knows our hearts and our plans no matter what we think. I can't imagine my life without Major. He is happy and healthy and more than we could have ever asked for. We are happy and beyond blessed that God have us the opportunity be his Mama and Daddy. So as I continue to pray for our family and one day having another baby, I am content in knowing that God in in control and is so faithful and everytime my sweet boy says I love you Mama, I am reminded how truly and unbelievably blessed we really are!
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What a wonderful post! I never knew the full story- I loved hearing how God brought this precious boy into your life. I am also learning that our children are HIS and not ours. I will be praying for you guys- and also Major's birthmom! And remember that God always thinks outside the box and you never know what or who HE will bless you with! Love your heart.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Ashley. During this journey, I learned just that. Children are His and are a gift to us if we are lucky enough to receive them. Obviously there is a lot more to our story, but for some reason today it was on my heart to just start writing. I feel better and continue to pray that whatever His will is that I find peace in that. Thanks for reading and for your kind words!
ReplyDeleteHeather, I had no idea that Major was adopted. I think he looks like a mix of you both. It's awesome how God places that perfect child in your life at the right time. He'll do it again. I believe God will bless you both again with another child. He knows the desires of your heart and has already chosen that child for you. I can't wait to meet them!
ReplyDeleteAngela, A lot of people don't. That's what was so weird about me feeling like writing this blog. It was just laid on my heart to write it, so I did and felt much better afterwards. He is such a sweet blessing to us and everyday that we look at him we are so thankful. God certainly works in mysterious ways!
ReplyDeleteI just stumbled upon your blog and began to read through them. This was such an encouraging story. My husband and I had a difficult time getting pregnant with our little boy that is on the way right now. It took us over 14 months and finally a small surgery and fertility treatments are what got us pregnant. Not exactly how we envisioned it when we began to try for a baby, but that is life. We often discuss a second baby and how we want to go about it. I know it sounds strange discussing a second child when the first one is not even here yet, but in our case, it is something to consider being that we have a harder time conceiving than most. We want our children to be close in age, which leads us to having to discuss this now rather than later. Even before we were married and we were talking about children, we always said we like the idea of having one of our own and adopting the second child. It is just something that has spoken to us. It became even more clear that this is a viable option for us when we had difficulty conceiving.
ReplyDeleteAdoption to us brings many fears about the wait month to month, what kind of adoption we would want (international, open, closed, etc), and if it is really the right choice for our family. I really enjoy reading stories about successful adoptions and how they impact people. This was a really uplifting story for me. Thanks for sharing!