This life

You know what doesn't make any sense?

This life.
Yep. The one we live every day. Wondering around in. Taking for granted. Oblivious.

This life that's full of happiness. Joy. Thankfulness. Love. Family. Blessings.

This life that is also full of devastation. Heartache. Pain. Loss. Grief.

Today they intertwined in a complicated, spider-web like way. A day that began looking forward to new life ended saying good bye to that same life. A day full of hope, promise, dreams, ended in a dark, sad, grief stricken way. Somehow there is still peace in this day. Peace in knowing our Father's plan is greater than our own. Peace that his all-knowing hands are wrapped around a family who has suffered more sadness and loss in 9 years than any family should suffer. Ever. Having peace in knowing that there is no answer to why. There.Is.No.Answer. That's just a dumb question.

Today, life fell apart for 2 families. Somehow those lives will be taped back together. The lives will remain cracked, ripped, less complete...you will see the cracks, probably see the weakness, but in rebuilding there is strength, hope, and closeness that was created or renewed through our loss.

Sadly, we have been down this road before. We've buried an infant.  There is no comprehension, no understanding. You move forward in a slow motion, have to find a new normal, this makes no sense state. We lean on each other. Pray for each other. Lift each other.

Josh's sister and brother as well as their spouses now each have the experience of losing a son. There is nothing I can do to understand that loss. Losing Sam and River have left missing pieces in me, but my grief pales to what they feel. I hope, pray and beg for God to give them peace. To know their babies will suffer no worldly hurt, pain and disappointment. They are dancing in the arms of Jesus and their proud Mimi. I know that.

There are no words to make it better.

Praying makes it bearable.

In the days to come, love your babies and your families and remember that no day is guaranteed to you.  Do the best you can do, make the most out of what you have and know that no matter what there is a God bigger than anything we can understand or imagine. I have to find peace in that.