Not the post I was hoping to write

I've had a burden on my chest for over a year. My mom and I had a falling out over something dumb last spring that I still don't understand. Many things were said on both sides, things I'm sad and disappointed about. I wish in the moment I would have just thickened my skin and not sunk to her level. I wishi didn't let my anger and hurt feelings get in the way. We've tried a few times within the year to "patch things up" but the damage is done. Nothing is the same and nothing will ever be the same. It's weird, awkward and honestly I am at the point where I don't even care if I see her. At first Major asked about her a lot but he doesn't anymore. She's made no attempt within the year to see us at all. Today, I was unsure of how to handle mothers day. I haven't seen her on mothers day since major has been here, which is 4 years. The first 2 years were excuses about why she couldn't come to church or see us or whatever. Something else was always going on. Last year the crap was hitting the fan and we weren't speaking at all. This year, we aren't really speaking still. She feels like this is all my fault and I should make the effort, I feel like she brought this on and she should. It will never be resolved. I think my reservation comes from many of the things she said. I won't get past those words. Ever. I knew this morning that if I called her I'd probably be upset or disappointed the rest of the day and I didn't want to ruin the day with my boys. I texted her tonight which backfired. Ugh. Oh well. I think I'm just gonna check out if that relationship altogether. It's easier and healthier to do that I think. I'm happier without the drama and stress. Blah, what a sucky way to end an otherwise great day. I'm just grateful to Josh, Major and my in laws for making this day special and enjoyable for me. Josh and Maj are everything to me and I feel so happy to share my life with them. At least going through this crap with my mom let's me know the kind of mother I will never be to Major, no matter what. No matter what, no relationship he has, nothing will cause me to turn my back on him, ever, ever, ever.